Are you worthy? Are you brave?

Beth. 19. A variety show.
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You know, funny story: There’s this craft store called Michaels. Look, my sister knits, and she goes to Michaels. So my sister called me and she’s like, “Oh my god, I’m at Michaels, picking up yarn. You have a poster at Michaels.” I’m like, “What?” She’s like, “There’s a poster, there’s a Falcon poster at Michaels.” I’m like, “Holy s**t!” She’s like, “I’m gonna come and pick you up, and we’re gonna see your poster in this store.” So she picks me up and we go to Michaels.

We go in, and I see the poster and I’m like, “Oh, this is….” She’s like, “I know, I know.” I said, “I’m gonna sign these posters.” I was like, “That would be amazing, you buy a poster and it’s like, actually signed by the Falcon.” Like, it would blow my mind. So I go to the front, I buy a Sharpie, I run back to the back of the store. And she’s like, “I’m gonna take a picture of you signing it.”

I’m in this store and I’m signing all the posters. The manager comes out, he’s like, “Hey, whatcha doing?” I was like, “Oh man, I’m signing these posters so when people buy ‘em, they’re signed.” He’s like, “Well, people are not gonna buy ‘em if they’re signed.” And I was like, “No, no, no, it’s cool. I’m pretty sure there won’t be a problem.” And he goes, “Yeah, but it is gonna be a problem, you’re messin’ up my inventory.” And I’m like, “No, my man, trust me. I mean, I’m the Falcon, that’s me!” And he goes, “Yeah, right. You’re gonna buy those posters.” I said, “What?” He’s like, “You’re gonna buy all those posters or I’m gonna call the police.”

He rolls up all the posters and goes to the front of the store. And I had to buy like 60 Falcon posters that I signed in Michaels.

—Anthony Mackie getting in trouble for signing his posters at a Micheals  (x)

(Source: fwips, via bfals)

ohhowlucky:

danteogodofsoup:

killbenedictcumberbatch:

standupcomedyblog:

John Mulaney | The Salt & Pepper Diner

THE BEST JOKE IN EXISTENCE

GOD I JUST TOLD SOMEONE ABOUT THIS STORY

This is one of the best pieces of comedy that I have ever had the pleasure of witnessing. I love this. I have been looking for this online for awhile.

(Source: timetoputonashow, via chumpersonable)

D:

Men and women differ in their language patterns; for example, research suggests that men interrupt women more than women do men (a finding that surprises most men but not most women).

Analyzing English Grammar,  Klammer, Schulz, & Della Volpe, p. 21 (via mumfordandtomlinson)

(Source: katyrex, via osointricate)

beautypeen:

always wanted to draw a nick nayx post so i did that [x] 

beautypeen:

always wanted to draw a nick nayx post so i did that [x

(via nayx)

alivechihiro:

chumpersonable:

wulfriciceberg:

if I had to pick two internet personalities to have as parents I would pick dril and critikal

attending a parent-teacher conference for my bullshit son, I hopp up on her desk whenever she tries to speak. i will not be held accountable for the failings of my dickspawn

remember to rate the child, comment the child, and subscribe if you want to see more children like this one. see ya

(via transspock)

callurn:

I feel like whenever someone gets an anon message asking why they don’t like John Green it’s John Green asking them

(via lokigaggedandfingerfucked)